I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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