i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
