i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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