I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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