My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
