We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
