I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
