well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
