Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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