also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
