My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
