Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize