I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize