she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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