My hand turned me down
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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