dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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