He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
