I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
