That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize