I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We left the knife in your bed.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
