not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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