Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
