'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
