I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
