Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
