I wannas sexs uuuuu
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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