You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
