she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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