And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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