im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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