We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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