It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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