I heard we made out
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
