i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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