i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize