Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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