Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
