I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
