Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
