Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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