we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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