I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
