her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
