I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
