Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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