No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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