hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
