He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
