I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I believe in your delicious
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
