I'm really into asian looking animals
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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