Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
