Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
