Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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