Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
