I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize