I want to make a zoo with you.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
