The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
