Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
