I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
