The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
