not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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