her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
even my farts smell like vagina
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Someone shattered a urinal.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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