Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
