need another drink. this is the easiest way
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
