Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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